A Change of Heart

A Change of Heart

Everyday dropped off
No dumped into a windowless room
Boys section on the left
Girls on the right
Sorting cattle with a clear knowing of who was with saving
And who was going to the slaughter
The soon to be slaughter lined up to pray
Pray for what?
To be saved?
To not be slaughtered?
Prayers weren’t going to change our fate.
We had to repent because we were the slaughter
The dead discarded people in the room
Maybe God would redeem you for another day?
Until this afternoon when you did it all over again

I’m sorry I am a woman
I’m sorry I ruined the Garden of Eden for men
Hit my chest
I am a sinner
I’m the reason for all the problems in this world
I‘m sorry, I’m sorry
I don’t even deserve your absolution
I just have to keep apologizing for my existence
As I start feeling my body after prayer
Dragged back in for more apologizing

Sorry
Sorry
Sorry
Sorry
Sorry for my existence
Sorry I am such a disappointment

Hanging in this middle space
Will you ever forgive me?
I am so bad
I am so terrible
I make you mad
I am awful
I am a disgrace
I don’t deserve to be on the other side
I don’t deserve light or love because I am so bad

My Old Prayer-I am sorry for being me

Goddess, get me out of here
Take me to a place with trees
Water
Music
Love
Guitars
Smells
Flowers
Birds
Butterflies
Women
So many women 

Take me from the darkness outside and in
Show me my deep potential
Show me all the power I have inside to light up and be me
Honor me and my individuality
Shine light and love through me unconditionally
Stay with me when I doubt myself
Reminding me that I am exactly where I should be

Wake up nuzzling me
Lay with me
And delight in my humor
Creativity
Openness 

Splash me with your water
Encourage me to keep expressing myself
Encourage me to be myself
Encourage me to take risks

Remind me you are simply here as a witness
to hold the mirror up to my excellence and divinity
You are here to help me see my brightest light
You aren’t here to punish me but to love my unconditionally

From God Worship to Me Worship

I have divinity inside me
Goddess is excited when I reflect it back to her
She blows air, water and wants to stoke my individuality and all I bring
She seems my greatness and reflects it back to me

This Garden of Eden is a place
I thrive
I am loved
I see my beauty and my worth

My beauty
My worth
My light
My love
All on display
This a place my beauty is ignited
No pain
No hardship
No outside worship
only inner worship

What if that cow wasn't bred for food, but for sustenance and light?

The cows were wrong
They weren’t meant for slaughter
They were meant for deep witnessing, grazing and worship
The truth is clear
The cows are the goddesses not the victims

Author: Elizabeth Cohen Griffin

Photo: Paola Chaaya on Unsplash